Eick's Totally Genuine Supervillain Diary Entry #2

Dear Totally Genuine Diary,

Had kind of a strange experience today.  I had just successfully stolen an entire truckload of dangerous chemicals, and gotten away undetected.  I was pretty excited about the whole thing.  That heist was going to go a long way towards advancing my current plan to destroy the planet.

As I was driving away though, I decided to take the freeway since it would be quicker.  Or at least so I thought in my naivete.  I know I don't really drive all that often, but it was not at all what I expected.

Other large trucks kept merging in front of me, much too close.  Tiny cars weaved in and out of traffic, not signalling, meandering back and forth almost randomly but always much too fast.  As a safety measure I had set it so that the zone around the truck that would be impacted if I suddenly had to brake was visible.  It was never clear!  At least one vehicle in the danger zone at all times, and the red flashing indicator I'd added became very irritating.

They had no sense of self-preservation!  Almost as if they wanted to die and take me with them.  It was like a battlefield but without the strategy or the tactics or killing.  So basically they'd taken away all the fun parts.

The last straw for me was this tiny little red car without a roof.  A truck was passing me, so the driver of the red car could not.  I suppose he greatly desired to do so, because in lieu of that he started following my truck so closely that I could no longer see him in my side mirrors, only in the external sensors I had planted on the truck.

This was very shocking to me.  His vehicle was squarely in the danger zone, and my truck massed a considerable amount more than his conveyance.  If I so much as tapped the brakes his tiny car was going to run up under my truck and be squashed.  The fact that my vehicle was covered in signs that said things like 'Danger' and 'Hazardous Chemicals' didn't seem to dissuade him either.  In fact, looking at him in the sensor feed it seemed as if he didn't regard himself as being in any danger at all.

I don't mind telling you confidentially that I became angry.  I am not part of some bizarre motorist suicide pact.  I can't die in a simple traffic pile-up, I need to destroy the Earth!

I laid on the horn and pushed the gas pedal all the way down the floor, getting myself a little distance by catching the other drivers off-guard.  For a moment I jumped ahead of all the other vehicles.  Carefully I braked and wrenched the wheel over so that my truck slowed and began to drift sideways.  With the lead I had even the crazies on this road were able to brake in time.  Eventually the truck ground to a stop, blocking all lanes of traffic on my side of the highway.

Drivers began to angrily shout at me from their vehicles.  Tiny red car guy was first and foremost among them.  That quickly changed when I dismounted and went after his car with my PPB Pistol.  (You'll see in a second why I didn't use the PPD.)

First I lanced a shot into his hood and destroyed his engine.  That made him shriek I'll tell you, but it wasn't enough for me.  I narrowed the beam and used the pistol to write 'Suicidal Driver' in his windshield.  That made me feel a bit better, even if the guy did manage to duck and avoid getting hit.

After that I looked around to see if anyone else wanted some, but they were all cowering in their vehicles, about half of them on their cell phones.  All except one lady in a mini-van a little ways behind the red car.  She was cheer with this look of exultation on her face.  I guess red car guy had irked her too.

(I gave her a thumbs up.  Not only did I like her attitude, I approved of her mode of transportation.  The utility of the mini-van for nefarious deeds is greatly under-appreciated.  I mean with a few simple adjustments you can go from safely transporting hostages as passengers to moving bodies as cargo.  A lot of criminals scorn them on stylistic grounds.  Their loss I say.)

Satisfied I got back in my truck and drove off.  No one tried to tailgate me as I left.  Even these morons could learn given the proper lesson it seems.

Inevitably though some of the drivers had called in my presence and Overshield Team Foxtrot Three Five showed up shortly after.  We had a brief skirmish.  I thought it went pretty well for the most part but the General ended up shooting my truck to keep me from finishing off Surge.  Apparently he'd actually read the warning labels, unlike red car guy.

So I ended up getting blown up again.  Blasted off the freeway overpass, landed in a filthy alley.  Had to make my ignominious way back here.  No chemicals, no victory.  Didn't even kill anyone.  Not the best day.

Going to need to steal more chemicals if I want this plan to move forward.  And I do.  I think this just might be the one.  Maybe this time I'll steal a plane to transport them or something.  Or set a train on fire and get away in that.  Anything has to be safer than the freeway.